I'm a self conscious idiot because of these three fingers

"Big Bubba Ray" (eganward01) 01/05/2016 at 02:32 • Filed to: None

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Out on a double date of sorts with my best friend, his girlfriend and a girl that I’ve been interested in for far too long to even recall. We all hung out, got dinner then caught a movie and that’s when I done goofed.

Three years ago, this April, I was out biking and was t-boned by a woman driving a Mazda 6. It really messed up my left hand. I have a ton of scar tissue built up on the inside of the top knuckle on my middle finger.

I lost and still don’t have any feeling in my middle finger due to nerve damage. The story is the same with my forefinger only with less scar tissue build up. These fingers were de gloved in the accident and that’s what caused the nerve damage. I also have arthritis and a very limited range of motion in my thumb.

Anyways, to get address my headline. We were all at this movie and my date happened to sit down on my left while my friend and his lady sat to the right of me. I simply wanted to hold hands with my date during the movie, that’s it. I couldn’t bring myself to do it because I’m so damn self conscious about what a woman would think if she held my hand and felt the gross scar tissue on my fingers and my borderline useless thumb. I just couldn’t bring myself to simply extend my hand and hold hers. It’s pathetic.

She texted me after the movie thanking me for the night and what not. A few texts later she said she wanted to hold my hand and asked why I didn’t. I haven’t responded to her text. She knows about the accident but hasn’t really looked closely at my hand.

Sorry for the long, stupid post . I just had to get this out. The fucked up state of my hand has been bothering me for years and tonight it really got to me.

Wacko > Big Bubba Ray 01/05/2016 at 02:39

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Tell her the truth, she will understand and respect you for it.

Big Bubba Ray > Wacko 01/05/2016 at 02:41

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I’m hoping to take her out when I get a day off work next week and I’ll have to explain to her why I was being such an awkward fuck tonight.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Big Bubba Ray 01/05/2016 at 02:44

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It could be worse. At least they’re still there.

Big Bubba Ray > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 01/05/2016 at 02:48

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Haha thanks for the laugh. I did almost lose the middle finger. That would have been a nightmare.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Big Bubba Ray 01/05/2016 at 02:52

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“What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to flip you off”

Sneaky Pete > Big Bubba Ray 01/05/2016 at 02:52

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Do it now. If you don’t make it a big deal, it won’t be a big deal.

Also, chicks dig scars.

Big Bubba Ray > Sneaky Pete 01/05/2016 at 02:59

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She’s asleep now and I’d much rather tell her in person than over a text.

And I have plenty of scars left over from that accident. Face, arms, legs. I should be bagging honeys all day! Haha

AMGtech - now with more recalls! > Big Bubba Ray 01/05/2016 at 03:13

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In my experience, girls haven’t really cared about that sort of thing. She is probably going nuts thinking you’re not that into her. Whatever reason you tell her, I’m sure she would understand and respect you for it. And if she doesn’t, then maybe she isn’t worth pursuing.

If I were in your shoes I would probably say something like “I know it might be stupid but I feel self-conscious about that hand ever since that accident and I was worried that you would think it’s gross or something.”

She may find it charming or endearing that you are worried about what she thinks. She’s going on a date with you as a whole, not just your hand. Forgive the stereotype, but women tend to care a lot less about appearances and imperfect bodies than guys. And FWIW, I think it looks more normal than some guys I know whose hands haven’t been through traumatic accidents.

NotUnlessRoundIsFunny > Big Bubba Ray 01/05/2016 at 03:13

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1. That sucks, and I can relate to your injury.

2. Explain sooner rather than later, and as Trappster said, don’t make it a big deal.

3. If she makes it a big deal, then...probably not the person you want to spend a ton of time with anyway.

Best of luck to you Sir!

Flavien Vidal > Big Bubba Ray 01/05/2016 at 03:18

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Meh... looking at the pictures, it’s really, REALLY not bad. I’ve had similar looking fingers after writing for hours and hours.

Just tell her what you were worried about I’m sure she’ll understand and your fingers really aren’t bad looking at all...

Porsche was my first word > Big Bubba Ray 01/05/2016 at 03:41

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*rolleyes*

What’s the problem? She’s interested, obviously. Text “Problem with my left hand. Sit to my right and I’d love to do better next time. Maybe tomorrow?”

Solved.

edit: Need scars (only them) like that so I can show the public my middle finger.

SteveLehto > Big Bubba Ray 01/05/2016 at 05:15

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Chicks dig scars. Means your tough.

Seriously, she won’t care. Good people are too hard to find today to worry about things like this.

this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata > Big Bubba Ray 01/05/2016 at 06:06

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Tell her you would have but you were afraid to hurt her on a first date. You did fight off a 4000 lb Mazda single handed after all. With great power, etc.

Seriously though, own your scars. Each one tells a story, personally I like to look at my hands every now and then and try to remember where each mark came from. In fact, telling the story of how your hand got fucked up would actually fill some conversation time while also getting rid of the weirdness and making you look like a badass.

vondon302 > Sneaky Pete 01/05/2016 at 06:26

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Came to say this.

samssun > Big Bubba Ray 01/05/2016 at 06:31

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Whatever you do, don’t send her some sappy groveling apologetic bullshit. The ideal response should be something like “I don’t usually hold hands before the third date, but maybe you’ll get lucky next time...”

haveacarortwoorthree2 > Big Bubba Ray 01/05/2016 at 08:59

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Try walking around looking like Frankenstein! But seriously, she likely either will not notice it or quickly get used to it.

FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com > Big Bubba Ray 01/05/2016 at 09:00

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Just tell her the truth, she probably won’t mind at all. I have a a totally mangled middle finger and scars from stitches on my lower pointer and middle knuckles and it’s never seemed to bother any women. I used to be a little self-conscious about it, but you get over it in time.

Sneaky Pete > Big Bubba Ray 01/05/2016 at 09:09

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Telling her in person is making it a much bigger deal than it is...

I understand you’re self conscious about it, but you’re making it a much bigger deal than you need to be. If chicks dig scars, they REALLY dig guys that are conformable in their own skin. Fake it til you make it. Chicks do NOT dig insecurity, real or perceived.

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com 01/05/2016 at 09:12

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I approve of your keyboard.

Snuze: Needs another Swede > Big Bubba Ray 01/05/2016 at 09:19

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I second everyone else’s advice here and say that you should just be honest with her. I’d text her back and say something to the effect of “I don’t really want to talk about this via text, but I’m self conscious about my hand after the accident. I’d feel more comfortable discussing it in person next time I see you.” That way you’re addressing her concern and dropping the hint that you want to see her again.

She must really like you to have the nerve to ask you why you didn’t hold her hand, you know what I mean?

Shane MacGowan's Teeth > Big Bubba Ray 01/05/2016 at 09:22

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I know the issue- I’ve got some pretty big scars on my hands (not playing scar wars here, but bigger and uglier than yours), and nerve damage/ range of motion problems in fingers. A girl that likes you really, truly, won’t care. As has been mentioned before here, just tell her the truth (don’t try to make it a big thing though), and it should be fine.

Wohnson89 > Big Bubba Ray 01/05/2016 at 09:32

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About last June I almost cut off my fingers on my left hand in a table saw accident. Pretty grisly scene. I had over 40 stiches in my left hand 20 just in my ring finger alone. I ended up with two nerves cut and a ligament torn in half. Currently my hand is working and my nerves are growing back after they were able to re attach them. 99% good aside from scaring. But in my experience girls are very interested in scars and my stiches acted as magnets to them. I would just use the damage as an excuse to have her feel the scar tissue then just keep holding her hand.

$kaycog > Big Bubba Ray 01/05/2016 at 09:37

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That is no big deal at all, and I’m sure your gf will agree with me.

nermal > Big Bubba Ray 01/05/2016 at 09:38

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Next time, don’t worry about holding hands. Worry about asserting your dominance over the armrest between you.

If she tries to claim it, elbow her in the forearm and take control of the armrest. At that point, there are three things that can happen:

1) She elbows you back and an armrest war is on. This is a good thing, because physical contact. It shows interest. Make sure you win the final battle though.

2) She puts her arm on or around yours. Also good, because physical contact.

3) She gets all offended and sits there being pissy the rest of the movie with her arms crossed. At that point, you at least know where you stand. Plus you have the armrest.

Rico > Big Bubba Ray 01/05/2016 at 09:38

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Okay first off, stop being self conscience. I notice this trend here on Oppo with people who post about girls/dating etc. Turn your scars into the result of you being a beast, that you survived being t-boned by a car and how a lesser man would be fuckin dead. Girls do NOT like guys who feel sorry for themselves, that’s not attractive nor is it at its most primal instinctual level a good trait.

So here’s what you do. You go out with her privately as you intend to and you FLIP the situation onto her. Don’t say “You felt awkward” tell her you didn’t want HER to feel awkward, explain how you got hit by a car a few years ago on your bike and the result fucked up your hand a little (along with a few other scars) and you couldn’t exactly tell your story during a movie at the movie theater. That’s it.

Flip your survival into a feeling of triumph.

FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com > Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. 01/05/2016 at 09:41

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Thanks. Corsair Vengeance K70 with Cherry MX browns. They annoy my co-workers, but it’s worth it. What do you use?

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com 01/05/2016 at 09:50

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I have the exact same board at home, I love corsair stuff.

uofime-2 > Big Bubba Ray 01/05/2016 at 10:10

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well there you go, tell her sorry for being weird(if you can stomach it mention you wanted to hold here hand too), but come out again on (date) and you’ll explain

Rico > samssun 01/05/2016 at 11:18

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Lol seriously. Some people on Oppo (NOT THE OP) wonder why they don’t go on dates it’s because they are too quick to start groveling or getting sappy. There’s a time and a place for being sappy! Embrace some form of masculinity that is a far more attractive trait to the person you are interested in. You have to be the man that stays calm in the face of danger saying “I got this” not the one shrieking in the background like a 12 year old girl, no one wants to mate with that guy.

Big Bubba Ray > Rico 01/05/2016 at 14:57

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I like this plan. Thank you.

Big Bubba Ray > Flavien Vidal 01/05/2016 at 14:58

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Its much worse in person. Hard to get good pictures of how messed up it is. But I plan on explaining my awkward self next week when we go out haha

Big Bubba Ray > haveacarortwoorthree2 01/05/2016 at 15:00

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Holy hell, man.

I’ve got a handful of noticeable scars on my face from the accident as well and they like to get all bright red randomly and people ask me what is wrong with my face. That doesn’t help the matter much but I’ve learned to deal with that over my hand for some reason haha

haveacarortwoorthree2 > Big Bubba Ray 01/05/2016 at 15:25

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Yeah, that’s what happens when the driver of a Ford 350 decides to turn left without looking and you happen to be driving in the opposite direction in an all-original, fully restored 1966 Mustang convertible. I tell non-car people that I got in a bar fight and got hit with a bottle. lol